photo take ith my collegue SUKI. wow. she showed me her photos when she was younger. massive changes man.hoho.aniwae, i got loads of stuff to sae one leh. i forget already.

*pondering*

* still pondering*

* still still pondering*

haiya, the more i type this. the more i wish to play the more i arent pondering ! heehs. i`m not good at self reflecting. hohos. if anione wants to punish me, dont make me self reflect! {1}

okkay. suddenly. i felt verii depresss. i came back 2 hour later to continue typing from {1} .

alot happened in between. i was reminded of him once again. sometimes. l really really wanna noe.. wad did i do wrong to deserve those.. wad did i do wrongg.. i may not be a good girlfriend but i noe.. i realy did my best. i dont really care wad others will think after i type this already. but i really.. wanna sae out how i feel deely. it really is stuffy to keep it to myself.

i dont want to think of him. i dont wish to think of him. but i`m still constantly reminded of him. his images still do drift past my mind.. i mean.. i dont have the love towards him.. but i am constantly reminded of our quarrells.. reminded of wadever i did for him. i protected him. getting myself hurt. he hurt me physically. i din retaliate. nva did i once hurt him physically. i run away from him whenever we quarrel. cus.. it really haunt me.. not tat i wish to think back. but it really... is affecting one wae or another.. i have no wish to enter another relationship . i am afraid of being hurt. being rejected like wad he does. afraid of loving. afraid of giving. afraid of being loved.... aniwae, pls do not do not change your concept of wad u think of him after reading this. if not.. i reall dunno how to continue this blog. i jus want to voice out. tat's all.. whenever i cry.. he doesnt really care.. i am really upset..wit the wae he treats me.. specifically, there's alot. but i dont think i have he energy to type , looking at the time now. 4am. i really really... jus.. wish to love him and jus hope that.. he will give me the slightest care.. he told me.. he wont.. cus he donno how to.he asked me to give him time. i gave him... 2 years... nothing changed.. i jus hope..to be loved and cared a lil. tat's the least i want.. is it really demanding? is it? i really feel verii lil of myself.. no matter wad i do for him.. it'sjus disturbance and irritation to him.. i noe i shouldnt sae all these.. but this is wads tat bothering me.. sorry if anione of u. dun wish to read this.. sorry...

i hope... to really get up..and move on.. i have alreay moved on. but still have a lil memories and affection somehow or rather.. and naemah, thankyou. i will move on. and i will not ponder. thanks for listening. thanks for your advices.. i know mani of u will tell me the same thing.. thanks.. i noe i still have friends to count on. i will pick myself up. and will work hard. towards my goal. and like wad naemah said, i shall await for a better one. and not to dwell of the past. i will stay strong. but jus bear with me for the above paragraph jus for todae alright? thanks. shall reply tags tml. continue tagging guys. shall remember wad i wanna blog tml and blog it out. thanks . and bye everyone.

good night.

P.S : if by calling me everynight tires u out.. do really try to cut down.. cus heard fom your sis u are really tired todae.. is it cus of me? sorry. even when u are tired u still made the effort to call. i appreciate it. but pls. do get ample rest. u still do have ur school and work. dont wish to see u tiring urself becus of me. do takkaire.. smile and do not fred over your math. i`ll try to help u. and no matter wad happen, do remember wad i sae. smile and overcome it slowly. u can do it. i believe you, _____ . so cheer up.

byee.

sorry to start off happily and end off sadly. sorry.shall post a happier post tml. i promise. nights.