Tuesday, April 8, 2008 @ 9:22 AM

i tried to do my best already. i know tat after they left. everything will be down onto me. i didnt shirk ani responsibilities. yes. there are new people. but i wouldnt know how to ask them to help me do it. they are so much older den me. so mani stuffs happening at a time.. yet you guys chose not to understand but added on to everything. i`m jus a part-time worker. you expect me to come down every single day after school days. hello. i will be tired out. yes. i dont mind. but i jus need a break. my appendix was acting. and i wasnt able to do much. yet you blamed me for not packing the stuffs. for goodness sake, spare me some time can? to even rest. can? you wouldnt want me to talk to others. but you know me well. and you know tat i am someone over-hyper. i dont understand why u want to keep me to the lil shop and forcing me to do this and dat. i need my life. i know your business situation. and i know wad might happen. why carn you guys be more optimistic. i`m tired of being dragged into every single matter. i`m tired of being blamed for the simplest thing. i just hope to... get a breather. why carn you even give me dat. i did not rebel against you on anithing. be it me sleeping for 3 hours only, i still came down to help you out. i`m tired. i did not have enough rest. yes. you will blame me for not wanting my own rest. but i have to go out to settle on some personal stuffs. i know it took up time and i know you wouldnt like it. who can i even talk to. who can i even trust? i stayed in that shop and i dun even take offs often jus to help you guys out. becus of this, i carn really meet up my friends. alwas there's other people taking off. i have to be down. everyday there's others taking off thus i`ll alwas end up not able to come down late/not coming. i did not complain. i did not. now.. the older collegues i have all left me already. they are people whom i confide to. and just becus i confide in them, you got jealous and didnt like them. you even question the wae i treat them and the wae i treat you. that's two total issuees. how stressed up i feel now. and i carn tell ani new collegues. they are all not gonna listen to me. i talk to some other people. cus at least they know me longer. and i can confide to , hopefully. but who know tat you even wanted me to coop myself in that small lil shop. now my job aint tat simple . not basic - serving customers, hanging clothes, putting back to original place. now my job is so complex - pack goods, check stock missing, remember goods in the warehouse, on top and at the next shop, serve, hang, tell new collegues prices, find the goods. how stress up i feel?

and i went to find him. hoping to ask him how is he and hope tat he will unblock me off his msn. i really dunno wad i did wrong tat you have to avoid me in all waes.. i jus hope tat after each r. friends is still a choice. but no. this frightens me. i wont dare to enter r. as it alwas end up with no more friendship. i just wanted to care more about u. is tat so tough? i jus wanted to know more about u . are u so reluctant? am i so detestable. this really lower my self - esteem. i didnt know tat i am so influencial that you have to block me off your vision/thoughts/hearing. i really dunno wad's wrong.. so confused. i jus seek for your answer. is it really so tough to give me an answer. i woke up early hoping to catch by you. but yoos went out ahead of my arrival. disappointed but wad can i do? i left a note. but ended up being chilled by you. i dunno wad's wrong already. haiis. can someone show me my path?

i know you do treat me very important and well. but sometimes, i do have some other todds. am i really the only one ? you have your school . and i am starting school soon. no matter wad u promised me, i carn bring myself to believe. i dun wish to be left hopeless again i dont wish to be hurt and betrayed once again. i just wanted you to assure me, and tell me wad i want to hear.. haiis. doubt u will ever read this. cus i noe yoos too well.

friends are there. i know. but somehow, i still carn bring myself to tell every single one of you out there wad's really wrong with me. these are all those on the surface. i aint tat happy at all. i aint tat strong. i am...


throughly drained out.

forcing myself to wear a smile, forcing myself to do mani stuffs to numb myself. wasnt the solution. troubles and stress still comes. was telling my another collegue today, dont tempt me to S. intentions of tat did came. and i was so closed to tat. i dropped that todd. i dunno wad causes me to change so much. maybe, i jus wanna build a wall around me. to avoid being hurt once again..

whether ani of you believe or not..jus gonna say, i`m truely, deeply afraid. to lose my loved one. to get hurt again. i aint tat strong. i`ve hid my emotions. nor did i showed my feelings out. except tat fateful night. i still remember how i embraced in her arms. i miss her. they aint here to encourage me .. they have left. my sisters, my elder advisors.. they have taught me alot.. alot than a 17 year old girl should know. it's all defensive skills tat i should learn and slowly, use it. i miss the times we 3 crapped together in the shop. i know. it's best for you guys to leave. than to bear with it. i wish you guys luck.

阿芬姐姐， 毛毛， 我很想念你们！我不知道还能向谁倾诉。我只知道，你们是我唯一会把一切告诉你们的人！我不知道如何感激你们这几个月的教导，以及一起度过的一切风风雨雨，我只能说，谢谢你们！向我亲姐姐一般的照顾我，疼我。 我还记得毛毛说过一句话。“你还有我们啊！”谢谢你！我好像好想你们哦！一定要联络我好吗？你们从不怀疑我，也没有停止照顾我。 现在，腰酸背痛，也没有毛毛帮我擦药了。难过与不明白一些事的时候，没有阿芬姐姐叫我怎么做了！谢谢你们所教会我的！我会牢牢记住。昌起歌时要想起我哦！

笨头笨脑的小女孩 [阿芬姐姐，我承认了]
白2 [毛毛，我也承认了哦！]

the above chinese paragraph was dedicated to two people very precious to me. i miss them alot. i seriously do. no one have ever trusted me and dote me like thei own sister so dearly. they really give in to me. let me play. play with me. let me slack. when i am tired they ask me rest they work . i leg pain they help me to massage. shirt loose, they help me sew tighter, hungry they buy food with me, sad they share with me their experience, shared our happiness together.... i miss them. i seriously do. 姐姐，你们有空要回来找我！我好想你们！i`m glad to know them. i really am glad.

shall end my post with a happier note , my hamsters gave birth again and i have 2 more income route opened for myself. i will not forget what my wad my two sisters say before they left. i wont forget.. i will take care no worries people. i will. and i wont give up trying...

btw, my handphone broke down 1 week ago. and it's in sony servicing centre.
nothing much to complain since they changing everything for me... and i got a nice spare phone for myself. gastric problem is coming too often. but i carn change my eating habit. i miss alot of people now.. ah fen jie jie, mao mao, alwin, yvonne, jacquelinee... bugis cliques. i miss them... alot. haiiis..

i`m getting hungry already after all those crying in the above paragraphs.

shall reply tags for now ....

marinne , thanks girl.

amanda , =.= thanks eh? updated.

naemah, you will console me and embrace me with your open arms right? i`ll wait for u at bugis den.

jonathan , thankyou. why dont u use it as ur blog song den?

tiffany , hello girl. i am doing fine i guess. aniwae, i miss u urh. do meet up soon. we shall go shopping.

tags replied. bye.

xoxo